I am so upset with myself tonight. I let my anxiety get the best of me again today and of course it was at the worst place possible. I thought it was resolved. It's been SO long since this happened to me. I can't believe I feel like this again. I thought that part was gone and all to often in the last couple of months it keeps showing up in the most unforgettable, and embarrassing ways. That pounding in my chest and weightlessness in my stomach feeling. That they are all looking at me kind of feeling. The, I just want to escape feeling...the thoughts of is it obvious to everyone feeling? I'm really trying to take a deep breath and move forward from today but I can't help worry if it's back to stay? God, I hope not!

Christmas 2010

This Christmas we ended up for the very 1st time celebrating at home with just our Family. For many reasons that I wont get in to but I have to say it was really nice to just worry about us. Santa showed up in the morning and the girls were SO surprised! We loved spending the morning as a Family and just watching the girls was the best gift ever! Both girls got vacuums and strollers. I have to say those were the gifts they loved the best at the time anyway. They love to help me vacuum. It is really cute! We...I mean "Santa" also later on in the morning surprised them with a wagon. We took them on a walk to the park to try it out but they both didn't last long in riding in it. It now is collecting dust =( I had hoped they would really dig it and I could pull at least Darby in it but since she is a big girl now. She loves to walk. Oh well, I am sure we will get some good use out of it in the Summer for beach trips. Christmas night I cooked dinner. A great day with our Family =)

Julia writing her letter to Santa before bed

This is my Christmas present...a new digital camcorder!! I LOVE IT!!! Thanks Babe!

Trying to catch up...

Oh my where do I start? It has been WAY too many months since I posted! Darby is now 18 months and Julia just yesterday, turned 4 1/2!! I suppose I will start with August when the girls had their birthdays. We celebrated Darby's 1st Birthday at home and had cake and ice cream. She with help, dug right in to the cake. Julia helped her open her gifts. The 1st year really flew by. I had a bit of a hard time adjusting to having two but I think now that Darby is getting older and doing SO much it is getting easier. Some days easier than others. 4 days later Miss Julia turned 4! I took them to Reuben

H. Fleet Science Center in Balboa Park to have fun there. Julia LOVES that place! We had cake and ice cream that day too. On that weekend we did there party at Shelter Island. Since the girls birthdays are only 4 days apart it looks as though we will continue celebrating them together at least for the next little while. Lots of Family and Friends were able to make it. It was a great day. Darby's 1st year flew by so fast. Julia started preschool in September. I love my girls!

April 2010 Darby's 8th month

6 Months old

Wow!! Darby is 6 months old! How in the world has half a year already flown by? Darby is such a an amazing spirit! I am so proud to be her Mom!! She just yesterday, started to like baby food. She finally decided she was ready. I was over the moon excited! I had tried many times before and it just finally clicked. She loves to roll around and is so interested in everything that Big Sister has and is doing. Julia loves to make her laugh. It is really fun to get her giggling. She has started to sit up and can do it for a 30 seconds or so with out being propped up but will with no notice fling herself backwards so you have to be right there and prepared. Life is really interesting with two but I wouldn't change it for the world. I love my Girls!!! Here are some pictures of the last 6 months. It is truly amazing how fast they change.

My Baby is 5 months old

Arrgh!!! I just can't seem to update this thing as much as I would like to. I have good intentions I really do! So lets see what I can remember...Darby got her ears pierced this weekend when we went to the dome to visit with Luke's Family. It was great! We always have so much fun with them! Julia got to play with her cousins and open up a few Christmas gifts since we were with my Family for Christmas this year. We do an every other year thing so no Family gets left out. It works! So back to Christmas. Christmas was GREAT!!! MY WHOLE Family was able to come to California. We figured that it hadn't happened since the early 90's. Now we are all married and have kids so it was even more special. My Dad got to meet Darby for the 1st time. That was so special! My Sister's and Brothers too. We had Family pictures taken and they came out great!! Julia got spoiled this Christmas seemed to be a "Princess" Christmas. She LOVES the Princesses right now. Her favorite is Cinderella. We watch it ALOT! =) Darby is growing so fast she is such a sweet baby. She loves to sleep! Her favorite toy right now is the jumper. She can really get going in that thing. It is so cute! Her smile is contagious! I just love her so much! She had rice cereal on Christmas for the 1st time. Didn't hate it but didn't love it either. I tried it again yesterday but I made it with formula and I payed for that one a couple hours later. I knew I should have just taken the time to pump milk but I guess I was hoping she would take formula, just for cereal. Oh well, we wont do that again! She is 15 lbs and almost maxing out her 9M clothes. Julia got a "big girl" bike from Nana and Papa for Christmas and we took it to the park this morning to try it out. She did great!!! It is of course a "Princess" bike. We did almost have a HUGE mishap though. She was riding the bike on the path around the baseball field and I was walking with Darby in the Baby Bjorn. I however forgot that there is a pretty decent slope at the far end of the field and I got busy messing with something and she got ahead of me and took the hill alone...faster and faster..I couldn't catch her...I was running and Darby was bouncing all over the place. I caught up to her just as it was leveling out. It was scary I thought for sure she was going down but she totally rode it out. Not a shining "Mom" moment but it worked out! The problem is that she doesn't get how to use the brakes. Yeah I know, that is pretty important stuff to teach before we attempt that again. Oh yeah and I got a new digital camera yesterday! I love it!!! Well that is it for now, hopefully it wont be another 3 months before I post again =)


Johnson Family

Julia loves her "Big Girl" bike

Sisters Forever

Darby got her ears pierced

Darby can move!

I have been so terrible about keeping this thing updated! I am always posting on Facebook so this thing gets left in the dust but I wanted to get on here this morning and jot down that Darby can officially move. At 2 months and 2 wks old she can wiggle herself around, and even get on her side. I thought she did in on Friday, I knew I laid her in her gym and then I looked and she had moved or been moved to the side of it so I asked Luke and he said he didn't see, so I figured I was trippin. Maybe I laid her to the side? Then when it happened again yesterday I knew. She had twisted herself to the side and all around and this morning at the 4:30 nursing session she was completely sideways in her pack and play. So needless to say the days of leaving her on the couch and walking away are no more. =) This growing up stuff is happening at lightning speed for both girls. Last night before bed Julia and I had a great time singing together listing to country music videos on You Tube. I can't believe how many of the words she knows! It's so fun and something I hope to always remember.
Video of Darby wiggling!